I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
