Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
