Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
