Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
