Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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