You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
one might say we're banned from that church
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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