Having a random hookup so left but love u
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
