well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
