I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
