I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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