I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
