I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
