Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
