woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
