I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
