We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The air was thick with penises
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
