yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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