i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
