I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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