He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
