I'm so fucking centered right now
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have demons in me.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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