The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
