hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
