I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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