At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
