Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
