Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
