Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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