I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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