I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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