I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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