so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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