you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize