My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
