we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think your dad took our porno
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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