if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
