i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
