Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
