I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
