cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
