just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
