i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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