I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
