I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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