i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
