He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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