The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
