it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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