I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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