Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think your dad took our porno
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
