I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
