beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
