I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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