Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
