Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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