a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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