thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
