where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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