I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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