I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
