no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
