What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
