You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
