Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
