he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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