i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
