One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
