You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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